Poems

Our membership year starts each New Year’s Day
Such a horrible time to ask people to pay
With post-Christmas bills and the January blues
It’s an unwelcome time to ask for our dues
So staff put their minds to it and came up with a plan
Which has been a success ever since we began
We can’t alter the date so we try to be funny
When we send requests for our dear members’ money
Our simple concept garners heaps of goodwill:
We send out a poem along with their bill

We're lucky - our members are enthusiastic
So here are some replies which are simply fantastic:

 

The New Year maybe upon us and Easter nearly here
But I’m all spent what with Christmas and beer
I know what you are saying that I shouldn’t have spent so much
But the family wanted presents and when I went out I did go dutch
I want to be a member of the ILP
So I need some pennies to pay my fee
I could talk to Chantal to see if she can help
But I am determined to do it all by myself
so I’ve looked under the cushions and in the drawers
And in the corner where the spider crawls
I found many items some we won’t discuss
I’m sure I will soon have pennies enough
I’ve counted all my coppers and happy to say
It won’t be long before I can pay
So onto the internet I shall go
To renew early to save some dough

 

It's Valentine's Day, and I'm feeling blue
The reason I'm sad? I've not heard from you...
So give me a call, I'm not being funny
It's not roses I want; I'm just after your money!
I already replied but you never answered me
So I felt like a drone not a bumble bee
Sad and unable to make any honey
As last year you never sent me a receipt I lost my money
I’m so sorry you’re a sad little bee
I did reply, you have to trust me
The email’s attached to prove I don’t lie
If it’s never arrived, I just don’t know why!
I must apologise profusely
It must have got lost in the ether of despair
I hope our friendship we can repair
You have no need to worry, our friendship is sound... 
But you still need to pay me 143 pounds!

 

Please don't take my comment as being snidey - I did tell Jess I will pay on Friday
denying payment today with much sorrow - but you have a promise I will cough up tomorrow
so rest assured you will get your fee - and hopefully.. then you will be awash with glee
so I don't really want you thinking I am a right B - just pass on my regards to the team in Rugby!


I have yet to pay
Will do over the weekend
Have haiku till then.


A Friday Villanelle

After enduring workweek hell,
To keep me from the booze,
I sit and write a Villanelle.

By Friday I just don’t feel well.
The plot I start to lose,
After enduring workweek hell.

Despite the stories I could tell
I mustn’t blow a fuse
I sit and write a Villanelle.

I ignore the telephone’s bell,
Emailers I abuse.
After enduring workweek hell

I read an email from Chantel
Seeking ILP dues.
I sit and write a Villanelle

That one I’d better handle well -
My credit card I’ll use.
After enduring workweek hell
I sit and write a Villanelle



I have paid the fees on line,

Membership number x x x x 9,

Paid on Friday by BACS,

Could you check these facts.

 

I would appreciate a receipt

Of the payment not the verse

The payment was fine,

The ditty a lot worse.

 

I hope that the process this year,

Has proven entertaining and witty,

I hope that paying by BACS is easier

And not quite so bad as this ditty.

 

I wish you the best for the year

To your colleagues and you

My apologies for my poetry

And this poor review.

 

The world in recent times sees new leaders
With visions of leading nations without squatters
Give us enlightenment they say
People’s choice - Brexit becomes the clay
To model a future- a job for Theresa May
The consequences and impact on other players
Call for discussions as the severity & predictions falters
Should we not get together to light the way upwards
Through the ILP’s forums going forward
Debating and evaluating whilst remaining connected?
Thank you ILP for lighting the way to my achievements
A new year comes with its opportunity & challenges
Here’s my subscription, I fail you not,
As a Fellow, I am proud to be part of the culture
Of the institution that is key to shaping the future!

Thank you Chantal for the annual ode,

It’s for ILP membership or so I am told?

I have converted my lights and now they’re all LED,

To make a cost saving to pay for my fee,

Cost savings of £7 that’ll do me,

Could you do me a favour and give it for free?

 

Oh Princess Chantel your prose is royal
But to pay these fees I need to toil
So today I consulted my Sage
But he says til the 17th I have no wage
And when with wage I jump with glee
I will very happily pay you my fee.

 

Dear Chantal. Of one thing that I can agree the poem below was written for me.

And now to make very quick tracks and sort this matter out with a BACS.

I am so sorry for the delay but Santa needed to get his pay.

 

Having received the Bill
It was a bitter Pill
But one I had to swallow
So without further ado
I say to you
My debit card will follow